I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
