Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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