He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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