I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
