did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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