I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
