party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
