He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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