we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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