and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
