she woke up with a sticky ear
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
