Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
