What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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