He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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