I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
