i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
