so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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