Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
