You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
