where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
