Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You smell like stripper and shame
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
