So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
