just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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