No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
