You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
