I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
