Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
