Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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