your parents love me but you hate me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
