Taylor Swift is so right about you.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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