absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
