Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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