thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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