I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
