Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
