Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
