idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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