we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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