you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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