Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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