You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
