And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
