i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
