So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
