this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
