now i know why i became what i already was.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
