dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had to cum in my sink.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
