By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize