I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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