he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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